First off, let me say thank you to everyone that has wished me a happy birthday~! I will reply to each and every one of you accordingly either tomorrow or Sunday and make sure you get the responses all of you deserve.
More importantly, I know I haven't been active as of late, but I have a good feeling that this will be the last and final time I will suddenly disappear.
No more sudden leaves.
No more surprises.
If I'm taking a break, I will make it known.
Unlike every time I have come and gone, there was always something I could never face which always resulted me into taking a long break.
And that was disappointment.
Disappointing all of you, and more importantly, disappointing myself and my own expectations. I couldn't get over the fact that no matter what I did, I could never get myself to draw or create content better than my last. And because of that, I always cornered myself.
I'm pretty sure some of you who know me long enough already saw that. And I appreciate your guys' support this entire time. However, it was just something I was not ready to admit it for the longest of time, and had this problem since...hell, since I transferred to my university.
I mean, sure, I still drew during the time. But the only thing that kept me going was "expectations". That was my only drive with drawing for so long, as well as the fear of being "left behind" by people who I started drawing alongside with, people who I wanted to aspire in becoming, and so on. These ideas would soon become my drive of eventually believing that my work was nothing special, and that I have no hope in getting anywhere, especially since I had a job that, while stable, had nothing to do with my field as an artist.
It was not until just recently that I finally found my resolve:
You don't need to follow everything to a tee.
It's okay to make mistakes.
You're never alone.
and most importantly.
Just be you.
The moment I started thinking that (i.e. 1 month ago), life cut me a break, and rewarded me with a job as a full-time Graphic Designer, with a huge focus in Children's Illustration nonetheless...!
For the first time ever, I cried out of happiness that day.
Fast forward to now, I quit my old job (aka Video Technician for a Private Investigation Agency) and now do children illustrations. While things can get a little tough, I know I'll get the hang of it, especially since I have another experienced artist at my job that is awesome that I can learn from. I'm loving this job everyday, and I hope I can continue to follow this path wherever life takes me.
So what can be expected from me from now on?
Well...more drawings, obviously!
But this time, I'll be drawing no longer out of fear or expectation in hoping that every one of you won't hate me.
Now I'll be drawing because this is what I want to do, and will draw whatever comes natural to me regardless of if its something people may or may not like (but I believe that if I put my heart and soul into every piece I make, people will still like it to a degree).
And I'm okay with this. ^^
I do apologize however if you read this entire journal entry, lol. But I do thank you for sticking around to reading this.
I honestly can't thank everyone enough for your support for all these years. Seriously, why do you follow a person that's been flaky with coming back to dA after all these years?
But at the same time, i thank you for still considering me worthy of watching, commenting, liking and downloading my work. I personally feel like I'm just an ordinary artist that just spends his time doodling, and that there are better people out there~
*predicts unwatches after that last sentence*
But in all seriousness though. Thank you everyone.
I hope you still look forward to my future work!